untitled

natalie.
i feel terrible.

i freaked out. i don't even know why. and when you told me you felt bad after saying something bad to her, i had a complex feeling. i was relieved, of course, but was that also jealousy that i felt? sometimes i don't get myself. it was me who pushed you away; it was me that was so determined, saying 'i don't like you'. there i go again with my twisted mind.

there is truly something wrong with me.

on the other side, i was so furious about you a week ago. there was no way for me to forgive you as you did something terrible as a joke on my 18th birthday. it was nothing funny at all. i did my best to act tough and cool, because things that you did could not be easily forgiven. but when you came back to me and explained it, i fell for you again. in the corner of my mind, i knew that you could've been lying, hiding the lie between the lines. but it was so easy to believe in you. it was as if i wanted to trust you at the first place, even if there was no serious excuse.
why do i always go back and forth?

highlights of today: nice dimsum at lunch (奶皇包!!), view from belfast castle, a newcomer to distract ming from annoying me, bailey's cheesecake

lows: being way too full, too windy hence forced to stay at the castle place for less than 20 mins, 2 pieces of cheesecake...