someday, you will understand.

今天和家人談電話。就說了那些很random的東西，問問我在alex的家怎樣呀，考完試感覺怎樣那些。
然後媽問如果CU accept你的話你怎辨?

其實她大概已經知道我很想到CU讀了。所以這樣問吧。
我事實上很怕她覺得她浪費了一大堆錢在我的外地教育上。尤其是家中現在的經濟情況，我認為她這樣想是無可置否的吧。
所以我很怯懦的回答我會想想看。雖然有機會的話我一定會回去。

她問我是否被你影響了。我說不是。真的，我不喜歡別人這樣說我。但我沒膽解釋給她聽。
有時我怕當她說她負擔得起，大家都不會有問題的時候，我會動搖。我知道這不是真相，不過他們會想為我好。太寵我不行的。這是我唯一可以幫助大家的，不是嗎？
我可以打工，我可以照顧弟，我可以幫忙家務，我可以看公公婆婆。
爺爺的事我都內疚了多久？我在這兒都幫不上忙。
大不了就將從前的夢想放下。我又不是未嘗試過。況且未來的事對我來說還是太肯定，太清晰。所以我是行的。

anyway。還是好好的應付interview吧。

HELL YEAH

so nervous.

telephone interview with CUHK next week.

so freaking nervous!!!!

what a feeling~

thank god i went for a run at the afternoon. i wouldn't say my mind is cleared, it never will, to be honest.
but listening towards where the destination was while listening to jpop motivating songs must be the best way to rescue a sleeping heart.

at least i'm more awake now. i don't care if i'm gonna remain antisocial. i just want myself to get into work.

ahhh but the mud of my shoes T_T it's gonna take a long time to wish them off...

wish me luck for tomorrow's exam :)

what is self-control? I know nothing about it...

Oh. My. God.

I just wasted an hour looking through Korea's travelling information. I was actually choosing which hotel/hostel to stay in. What the heck am I doing! I should be revising instead.

But there isn't much to revise for Business. And I have no mood for Physics.

And now I'm researching on what food I should definitely try in Korea.

Oh. My. God.

Why...! Okay if I revise really really hard this weekend, God can you please let me go to Korea this summer? With my friends??

Deal or no deal??

tell me it's a dream

if everything's so messed up and uncoordinated, if things don't seem to be bright, then i'd really rather go back to a month ago and continue waiting. it might even be better if there was no news about you.

Working hard and hard. It's the feeling of pursuing a dream. It comes right back at me again. And I feel kinda good.

you can leave me alone now

everything's settled and still.

나 도...

진짜 보고십다.

첨부터 알았어 난

because i told myself to give up, because i've decided that i'd be better off caring about you, i really don't want to be linked to you in any way anymore. don't look at me that way, don't even try to start with that jealous tone and everything. stop trying to drag me over there again.

everytime i see you my heart skips a beat. the feeling is indescribible. so hollow and so painful.

but i'll be fine. i'll be over this soon. i won't get tired of this. i'll survive till i leave this place.

barae

life.
that's how they call it isn't it.

it's something that is full of contradictions. i think i've grown so bored of this place now, and i can't help but laugh at myself because 2 years ago, i was so fond of this place and the experience coming ahead of me.

it's so lame. i feel so guilty. i could've stayed and gained something different. i wouldn't have wasted time and money.

right now i can only convince myself the profit i got from here is something tremendous. that's what i hope.

snow is good for scenary

i'm so tired. not like physically (slept so much in hotel) but mentally. i guess coming back to school just automatically gives the message of 'working and stress' to my brain, even though i don't really have to work right now.

school's gonna start on monday. so i'm stuck in school. i guess life just tells me to revise more.
i better listen to what life tells me to do.

but. i miss Hong Kong so much. i didn't tell my parents but honestly, universities in Hong Kong is on top of my list right now. i hope they're happy with this.

---

man i hate you! i hate situations when people just stop talking at you without telling what happened. did i do something wrong? what mistake have i done this time?

i think people should fking grow up, or at least try to understand what i might feel.

fkit. seriously, fkit. i don't care what you're doing anymore. i'm fine without you communicating with me. i'm better fking off.

gradually recovering

i don't know why i feel like this when friends told me they broke up. i swear i've gotten over him. i'm sure about it. but then there's this really weird feeling, perhaps a happy-suprised feeling? i don't know.

and this leaves me feeling guilty.

i don't like me being emotionally controlled by guys.

but then i'm still really mad at H. so i guess as much as i dislike the fact that my mood is dependent on these guys, it's still one plain truth.

how sad T___T

anyway, few days before leaving Hong Kong. i have to buy things before i regret haha. ahhh so disappointed that the last few days of holiday end up like this, me being ill. i was hoping to do more...