Twitter trending topic.
#whenwewereyoung.
For some reason, I don't think about the past as much as I did anymore. I remember those time when I fell into depression when I reminisced.
Last time I read my diary, I found this line that I wrote at the end of last school year - 'I'm too scared to compare, so there's no reason to be nostalgic anymore'.
What if the present isn't as good as the past? What if I regret what I had done? What if I lose the motivation? I don't want to be lost and confused. Sometimes I wonder why I am fighting for my future. Sometimes I wonder whether I would still survive if I just choose for whatever I want when choices are right in front of me. If I just choose without thinking, if I just choose without being too careful.
Is this normal? Is this a part of 'growing up'? I think it's just like how they call damping in physics. Instead of speed, I'm losing something along this path I'm walking on. And this something, I can't seem to figure out what it is. Energy? Passion? Excitement for what's ahead of me?
At some point I'm shit scared of growing up, at some point I just can't be more desperate to grow up and transform into a person I want to be. I know some people say 'come what may'. I tried to be like that, but I just can't.
These days I'm quite obsessed with stuff related to defining dreams. I searched about various things that I remember in different dreams I had recently. It was quite freaky when they all lead to similar definitions. It's mostly about nurturing my character and developing individuality. Is this a coincidence or something else?!
insecurity, desperation, major setbacks in achieving your goals, recognising and developing your self-identity...
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